Remorse

There's a lot of things I wish to say yet somehow I seem to be falling short. I've made a lot of wrongs it seems and I don't know how to fix any of it. I would be lying if I said it wasn't killing me because it is, when you hurt someone you care the most and you love them. To see that you've hurt them kills you makes you feel so guilty and just fix everything. I do feel such guilt it gnaws at me yet I cannot do anything about it. I want to make things right yet I don't know how. It's like watching water fall into your hands everything just slips through your fingers and you desperate try to cling to the drops but they slip away like tears.

I tried to be strong, I tried so hard to make things right, I hate how sometimes my insecurities come up in such a ugly fashion sometimes. I know they don't come up very often been when they do I feel like I ruin everything. I can't help but worry....I want you to be happy yet I ruin it. I feel so lost right now because I don't know what's going through your head, I feel like everything has gone silent. Control as slipped from my fingers and I don't know what to do. Sitting here and feeling lost is all I can do... I feel like a dog sent out to sit in the rain until I understand what I did wrong. I just sit here hopelessly in my remorse wishing to know what I did wrong how I can make it better.

I wish I could make you happy
I wish I could be a strong person
I wish I could do what was right
I wish I was a better person
I wish I didn't have insecurities

For all the wishing I did I wish most of all no matter what you are happy. I hate feeling like I'm losing everything, I want to be selfish yet I want to be selfless and do all I can to make it right for you. I hope you understand this. I don't know what to say...I feel so very lost and it's not a feeling I have felt in so long since you came into my life. I never want to lose the joy, the happiness and all the love I know I feel.