Remorse

There's a lot of things I wish to say yet somehow I seem to be falling short. I've made a lot of wrongs it seems and I don't know how to fix any of it. I would be lying if I said it wasn't killing me because it is, when you hurt someone you care the most and you love them. To see that you've hurt them kills you makes you feel so guilty and just fix everything. I do feel such guilt it gnaws at me yet I cannot do anything about it. I want to make things right yet I don't know how. It's like watching water fall into your hands everything just slips through your fingers and you desperate try to cling to the drops but they slip away like tears.

I tried to be strong, I tried so hard to make things right, I hate how sometimes my insecurities come up in such a ugly fashion sometimes. I know they don't come up very often been when they do I feel like I ruin everything. I can't help but worry....I want you to be happy yet I ruin it. I feel so lost right now because I don't know what's going through your head, I feel like everything has gone silent. Control as slipped from my fingers and I don't know what to do. Sitting here and feeling lost is all I can do... I feel like a dog sent out to sit in the rain until I understand what I did wrong. I just sit here hopelessly in my remorse wishing to know what I did wrong how I can make it better.

I wish I could make you happy
I wish I could be a strong person
I wish I could do what was right
I wish I was a better person
I wish I didn't have insecurities

For all the wishing I did I wish most of all no matter what you are happy. I hate feeling like I'm losing everything, I want to be selfish yet I want to be selfless and do all I can to make it right for you. I hope you understand this. I don't know what to say...I feel so very lost and it's not a feeling I have felt in so long since you came into my life. I never want to lose the joy, the happiness and all the love I know I feel.

Male Fashion

So something I've never really brought to the table to talk about is male fashion, this is a topic that I could rant about for a very long time and it would require several posts. But I shall try to cover just some of my thoughts on this subject today. Now in the world of secondlife male fashion just sucks some major ass. Before you jump my case I do know there are some good stores out there, definitely because I shop there. I'm not always on the top of the newest the greatest and best out there in male fashion, because let me be honest 98% of guys in sl are lazy. They just are, face it. I think I do fairly well in this department though if you have every perchance seen my avie wondering around the grid. I like the idea of looking good! Call me completely vain but when you are in a game where you can look and practically do whatever you desire yes I'm going to be vain and shallow. I'm not a shallow in real life by any means but in secondlife I think it's completely valid! You can be skinny, curvy, tall, short, blonde, brunette, bulky, lanky. It's all at your fingertips just stop being fucking lazy and go find it and stop wearing shit from 2008 and get out of the noob hair.

Now that I have gotten a beef to pick with the male designs, my problems is when you are leading male designing and you do really well for yours that's awesome. Kudos to you I support you I wanna buy great products that look up to date with the times. But when all of sudden you stop making or sudden you work looks lazy I do get upset. You set out to create this business, no one is forcing you, wouldn't you want to create something amazing? I mean most designs honestly have a passion for it and they want to do this so use the creative brain!! I do understand real life can happen, things in secondlife can happen or sometimes this lovely thing comes along and it's the dreadful creative block. This happens and I'm fully aware things occur. Just have the common decently to write in your profile you are on break and be kind to your customers for good grief. They are the ones supporting you and paying for your tier!!! And another thing that has been frustrating me about shops in the male fashion....Why hasn't anything new come out?! I have been traveling around all my favorite shops (I won't name any....for now) waiting over a good decent three months, and I'm being generous, and nothing new has come out. This is infuriating. I understand one shop taking a break but when over multiple shops just stops you almost feel like something is happening. Which could be true. But I see female fashion just improving every day at blazing speed yet male fashion expect a few selective shops are stuck in 2008-2009 and going no where. I'm tired of hearing woman bitching that men don't look good when the selecting to begin with his rather shitty and when something is good every single other guy owns it as well.

Okay enough bashing on the shops, I'm sure I've run my mouth enough as it is. I'm little beef is with ladies that complain about guys looking really bad but really don't do anything to change this. This subject was brought up by Bouncer Criss when I read a certain blog post of his about how men in sl are lazy and it's true. Ladies you are going to tell a guy he is ugly maybe drop him a lm and then walk away. Because when they still are looking like noobs or pimping out feebies like they are the latest greatest things when honestly they came out just shortly after sl launched and showing over bling like they are some ghetto fab that was never thought of before their awesome genius. Sorry, I just don't find it right. This occurs the worse in clubs and omfg (yes I went there) it might as well be a crime. When some greasy mother fucker is up on stage waving his outdated bit around like he's stud of the year when some decent up to date trying to look good is walked all over for this trash. I just can't stand it, and yes I have every right to talk about this I worked as a secondlife male stripper for more than one club over a year and half I know what the fuck I'm talking about. I see it repeating over and over constantly.

If you were wondering why this whole rant was made well here's my point, lately I've been trying to create more and more male poses. A few couples but for the most part I do what to try to push more and more in the male fashion realm the best I can. Poses is about all I can make at this moment, yes it's been very slow because I do work a real life job (*gasps* I know it's a crime in sl) so this process is very slow. Yet as I try to make all these poses none sell and no I'm not trying to sell anything that's not my point. I want this subject talked about more, I'd like to see more of a movement pushed in this field. I'd be more than willing to put forth more effort and see more done. I'll be the first to admit secondlife is pussy run. That's not me making a joke I'm being completely honest (I know you laughed anyways, or was horrified by this shocking revelation suddenly made) but I do not have to go very far to prove my point. I'll take the very popular marketplace. In the category of apparel alone men stand at 93,432, unisex 47,708, and women 545,163 as of 5:00SLT on January 17, 2012. Those are where the numbers stand, I know they are probably changed already because people are uploading new things all the time. But doing basic math for our apparel section women stand ahead of men by 450,704. This is just in clothing alone, I don't think I need to say any more. Secondlife is pussy ran, and if guys look horrible it's because they have a poor selection to choose from or no one is willing to tell them they look fugly. SO START PUSHING FOR MALE FASHION TO MEET 2012!!!!

Niku

Finally back?

Ok so a lot of things have happened since the last time I posted anything, I know I know I know! For shame on me beat me later if you want but back to my train of jumbled thoughts. So since November my lovely baby's birthday had come up, and so this is how I went about surprising her. I could not for the life of me get out of her what she wanted for that day so I did a little thinking outside the box. I worked over a extra hour each day at work making her believe I was making up for time I had lost the previous week. This little white lie worked perfectly she didn't suspect a thing, in doing this I had gotten in over 32 hours before Friday. On the day it worked wonders that I am two hours a head of her because I went into work early got all of my 40 hours in before even 11am and clocked out and headed home. It was perfect I had set it all from knowing she just got her real life done in the morning, I logged off of skype the night before invisible so I could sneak on write out a really romantic birthday emote without her knowledge and went to text her. After acting all mysterious in the text message then dropping a huge emote on her was priceless. My pay back was getting called "fucker" several times over in this wonderful way knowing I had shocked her and made her blush all over. The events of the rest of day don't really need to be discussed in great detail because considering it was her birthday I'm sure you can figure it out on your own.

Following the time after this consisted mostly of us both being sappy and romantic....kinky and horny and her doing a lot of photos of us. I've seem to lost my touch in photoshop a lot lately, I really need to break down and just dive right back into it. But anyways, and in this time I always some how ended up with a new nick name "Wolf" there's a lot of reasons behind it but it sorta has become a code for us and now I have a nickname for her and we know it's each other without worries. Blurring some time here Christmas was fast approaching and again I could not get anything out of her what she wanted for a present. So here I was left coming up with something, and trust me I did. After looking all about (at Earthstones) I had finally chosen the ring I thought fitted best and picked it up just a few days before the holiday. We had to celebrate this event a little early do to families and such which is totally acceptable. But probably the best thing was giving her this and just knowing the tears of joy and happiness radiant from my baby in this single moment. It was outstanding and I shall cherish it always for all the times to come. She even took a picture of the ring shortly there after (but a certain pair of underwear stole the show here) and was letting all she could know about this new prize. It truly made me happy to bring a smile to her face.

I know somewhere in the back of a few people's minds they are thinking, "Wow this person talks about his girl all the time." While this is very true it's because she is a major part of my life now and all my sl is anymore. Sounds kinda sad but it's totally not, we even had this deep conversation about this. In some way we all seem to come to sl because we are missing something in our real lives, some of us are aware of the problem and others aren't. Throughout our travels in secondlife it's like we are trying to fill this void within and finding some but little. Within us both we both found something that fills the void so well, I don't feel compelled to log on anymore. There isn't that desire there anymore, all I wanna do is talk to her and emote her. While secondlife works for that it isn't needed with all its distractions about. I know she feels this way as well and it's amazing. I love that her and I spent so many months getting to know her emotionally, mentally (yes physically...but yet we were so sexually attracted to each other) and I'm sure everyone is like, "If you had all that why weren't you together sooner?" Complicated story but it worked out for the best for us, we grew as friends and lovers. She become my best friend in secondlife and someone I talked to all the time. And finally we become boyfriend and girlfriend, we had our bumps and finally got partnered in the end. Had a awesome, (fake but not?) Vegas wedding in our own style, and I finally ringed her. We are developing each and every single day in to something more amazing.

In some other saying here's a picture of just how I sometimes surprise her....oh and naked. Enjoy the porn and my naked pixels?